Defining the Undefinable

I'm back! Finally...it's been a crazy couple of weeks with preparation for finals (my last semester!) and some exciting personal changes that I'll be sure to share at a later date. : )  This post is dedicated to the definition and explanation of bipolar disorder, formerly termed manic depressive illness (the reason for the original nomenclature was to indicate that typically after a manic episode directly follows a depressive one, however, this has been proven to be untrue in all cases, albeit still very common).  I'll provide some boring information as well as definitions and explanations a la' Caitlin which will hopefully be of greater interest. 

The following definition comes from the website for the National Institution of Mental Health:

"What is Bipolar Disorder?

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks. Symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They are different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through from time to time. Bipolar disorder symptoms can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide. But bipolar disorder can be treated, and people with this illness can lead full and productive lives.

Bipolar disorder often develops in a person's late teens or early adult years. At least half of all cases start before age 25. Some people have their first symptoms during childhood, while others may develop symptoms late in life.

Bipolar disorder is not easy to spot when it starts. The symptoms may seem like separate problems, not recognized as parts of a larger problem. Some people suffer for years before they are properly diagnosed and treated. Like diabetes or heart disease, bipolar disorder is a long-term illness that must be carefully managed throughout a person's life."

This rendering rings quite true in my own struggle with bipolar disorder.  I haven't developed much of a support network with other carriers of the disorder, which is a downfall that I should remedy.  It's easier most of the time to pretend it's not there, however.  I think others with the disease would agree with me on that count.  There's a sense of transient denial that I carry, but when confronted in an appointment or in a self-evaluation I can pull myself together to face it.  It's incredible the effect those situations have on me.  I'm not sure if everyone experiences this, but when I have to really think and focus on my mental reality, I sit right down and have myself a little pity party.  What a terrible way to face a situation ripe for surrendering to the Lord as a display of His grace and power in all things.  Hmm.  Thank you, Lord, for that little nugget of truth.  

And with that short and completely inadequate explanation, I'll submit this.  I will elaborate more on my journey in the next post.  Until then, "press on towards the goal to win the prize which calls us heavenward" (Philippians 3:14) and thank God for every moment that you get to bask in His grace.

Thinking Thoughts

"Think truly, and thy thoughts shall be

Spotless with God's own purity.

On every thought-bud let us bear

The stamp of truth, and love and prayer."

~ Amy Carmichael

Taking that Step

Ok...round two of mission: blog.  I'm going to give a brief synopsis (and by brief, I'm considering bullet points) of the story I've been blessed with so that I can lay some groundwork before sharing some very exciting learning that I happened upon today (I'm also going to apologize in advance for my oft run-on sentences...I tend to get long winded at times--I will try and keep it to a minimum!!).  Alright, bullet points it is:
-Acknowledge Bipolar Disorder (please stay with me here--I'm not too wacko, I promise!)
-Share history/events leading up to discovery of such
-Outline progression of disease
-Hit on the "big one," i.e. the major manic episode
--> There's going to be a lot that goes on in conjunction with this as I'd like to relate on a visceral level with those suffering from this disorder and make aware those still in the dark about the devastating realities of bipolar...it's going to get ugly at times, but it makes the redemption that much more glorious.
-Tell of the renewal...my personal favorite part : )

And that's the foundation I'd like to build this blog on.

So for the exciting learning that happened today...
I'm currently reading A Chance to Die, The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael by Elisabeth Elliot (my favorite non-fiction author--just an incredible woman of God).  I think reading and learning about the lives of our great cloud of witnesses spoken about in Hebrews 12:1 (you're already on your computer...Google it quick ; ) ) is very important.  It's a powerful way to encourage yourself and others and having Godly examples to strive towards is an excellent challenge in our journey of faith. And if you're not a believer, reading about people facing incredible odds and persevering with purpose and fervor makes for good real-life literary entertainment.
Ooook...sorry, that's the afore-warned long-windedness making it's appearance. : ) It's a pretty simple matter...Elisabeth (I'm going to call her by her first name instead of her last in opposition to what's typically deemed APA appropriate for author citations--I find it to be less cold and factual this way...are all of these asides irritating?? Please let me know!) is writing about the death of Amy Carmichael's father.  Elisabeth refers to the pain that Amy's mother must have been in and says that she needed a strong hold:  "It was faith, not doubt, that moved her out of herself, out of self-pity and despair.  She found what she needed in the words of Nahum 1:7, "The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him [emphasis mine]'"  And it occurred to me at that moment that that's so true...the most destructive part of pain and suffering of any degree is that we get stuck in ourselves.  We get so consumed with how we're feeling and we do all of this self-talking (talking to ourselves about ourselves...think about it for a second and I bet you'll realize that you've done it...Why am I feeling this way?  What did I do to deserve this?  Why can't I seem to get it right?...you get the idea) and we don't allow any truth into our thinking.  If instead we take a purposeful and bold step back (not just a meek shuffle...yes, the meek shall inherit the earth, but we're also called to come boldly and confidently into the presence of the Lord as believers as per Ephesians 3:12) then we're more able to comprehend the truth of the matter, and that is that we are more than conquerors through Him who loves us...He has already overcome the world, beloved.  Trust Him.  Break free of the chain of "self" and step into the light of the presence of the King, for that light will shed its truth on every thread of suffering and despair and anxiety.  Step out of yourself and into the promise of peace and joy everlasting, because as Nahum says, He knows them that trust in Him.  It's quite the trip and I can't wait to see what lies ahead...stay tuned!

Having Purpose

I would like to make a purpose statement for this blog, but I'm unsure of where to find a place for such a thing...this will have to do. : ) (emoticons...blogging yes or no?) At any rate...I would like for this to be a place of safe harbor for those in search of such and a lighthouse for those fighting the waves alone.  I have a blessed story to share that will come in segments and that continues to unfold, one rent in mercurial bouts of colorful highs and the darkest of lows...all to create these glorious ashes.

Please be patient as I slowly put this together...Lord willing, it'll be worth your time!