In Construction

How good are you at building walls?  What kind do you like to build?  Those with a fortified permanence?  Or are you more of a builder that would really rather have your walls stormed and smashed to rubble?  

I recently attended a youth retreat that I was asked to be a counselor at, and I am so grateful that I was lead there.  During the very last session, the speaker shared about how a friend of his (also a parishioner of his church) came into his life carrying the diagnosis of a virulent form of cancer.  Death truly was imminent for this man.  It wasn't the point of the speaker's address, but the words in that half hour that stood out most to me were centered on his duties as a pastor to his flock that were in direct conjunction to our Father's "duties" towards His followers.  The speaker talked about how, as a pastor, he is continually called to engage in and pursue relationships with people that may either hurt him or are on the brink of death (the loss of that person would also lead to an obvious pain and grief).  That doesn't mean he is to shirk those relationships.  No, he's to continue to love and open up to those people regardless of the personal cost.  Similarly, we are constantly sinning.  And sin is why Christ bled and died for us...He died to remove that from us, to forgive us, to make us new and clean.  He did it because He loves us in this crazy, unfathomable, unconditional way.  This He does for us freely, and yet we continue on in our sin.  This causes our Savior, our Redeemer, the Lover of our souls deep pain.  What if you were to sacrifice everything for someone, only to have them abandon you?  To mistrust you and abuse your sacrifice?  We all know in our hearts how that would make us feel.  And most of us would give up on that person that took us for granted.  We would walk away because we can't let ourselves get walked on or continually hurt.  It's too much to handle.  We deserve better.  Or how about this one?  God wants us to be happy.  But is that what Jesus does?  Is that what He expects of us?  I don't believe that it is.  God is love. And love is this incredible, powerful gift that we're given by Him and given to share on behalf of Him.  But He never says that love is easy. "Love is patient and kind; love  does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." You can read this from it's source in 1 Corinthians chapter 13.  For those of you that are so familiar with the verses that you skimmed right over them, please pause, rewind, and re-read.  Soak in the truths offered by Scripture.  We are called to that sort of love.  A love that is willing to lay down all facets of self for the good of the beloved.  This is a difficult calling when our sin nature clamors for our attention, demanding us to take into consideration our own feelings.  We build walls against the people we love because we've been hurt and don't want to endure that again...and again and again and again.  This is wrong.  Walls are a tool of division, and we are never to be divided.  We are to remain in unity, at all costs.  This may mean that we go through a lot of pain, and that's awful.  But for the joy set before Him, Christ endured pain of an infinitely greater magnitude.  We are to mirror that.  Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).  Remember that beloved.  I'm not saying we should submit ourselves to abusive situations.  By all means, run from and seek shelter from that.  What I am saying is to measure every action and reaction in the light of selfless love.  There is never a situation that merits us to choose the opposite.  Never.  So the next time you find yourself picking up those bricks and slapping on that mortar, take a step back, set down those tools of destruction, and find a way to love.

 

The Art of the Judgmental

I start this post with a heavy heart.  The people who prescribe to the most loving of attitudes are often those with the most judgmental of hearts.  They talk of lovely things such as forgiveness and seeing the best in others, but when it comes to the lowly of spirit, the idolaters, the sexually promiscuous, the drunkards, the revelers, and the jobless, the story changes.  Then it becomes "those people," and they are spoken of as if they have a horrid disease contractable by simply breathing the same air.  It's as if these people are unredeemable and should be spoken poorly of and pushed to the side as rubbish.  Wake up!  These people are diseased!  They are in dire need of a Savior, Someone who can fulfill them in the ways that their sins cannot.  They need the Great Physician, and we hold the information to lead them there.  These are the people that the world holds in its vice-grip, blinding them and strangling them, forcing them to breathe the poisoned air of immorality and darkness.  They don't know or care to know that there is Something and Someone greater just beyond that deceitfully comforting haze of sin.

In Ireland in the mid-1800's, there was a group of young women referred to as "shawlies" because they were too poor to afford the hats that graced the heads of the proper women-folk of the day.  They lived in the slums, and were not sheltered in the way that proper ladies were.  Rather, they were privy to the conversations  and happenings of the railway workers, and were therefore looked upon as soiled and dirty.  Amy Carmichael, as a young lady, was interested in the souls of such precious women.  She knew that she was sheltered and that they were not.  Instead of following the order of the the proper, she ventured into the slums to fetch the shawlies, a deplorable act in her circumstance.  But Amy, following the call of God, "was more than ready to take risks for the sake of others," as recorded by Elisabeth Elliot in her biography titled A Chance to Die (I've spoken of this book already...I would recommend the read!).  She wondered what sort of life they led and implored her older brother as to what sort of conversation the shawlies must hear.  He wasn't sure that she should know, but he shared a few things once Amy proved she wouldn't be put off.  And do you know what Amy did?  She didn't pull back in revulsion and throw on a judgmental attitude toward the girls.  "She intensified her prayers that the girls would grow up pure and good."

Amy continued to work with these women and built up a ministry centered on them, all the while knowing that she must do more, more, more for the Kingdom.  How can we possibly choose a different route than that?  How is  it that we see ourselves as better than anyone else?  We all have the capacity for every sin, and yet we regard those who choose that path as something lesser than we are, simply because our gracious God has had mercy upon our souls and we have (only with His power) taken up that banner.  Instead of following in the heavy trodden path of judgment, I implore you to choose love.  Love the unloveable.  Love them in all that they are.  Do not love their sin, but love them deeply, with the same love extended to you by your Father in Heaven.  Love them right out of their sin, because love in its pure form is the strongest bond that binds and the truest form selflessness.  Look at those who are choosing to coat themselves in the filth of sin and pray and love and hope and know that the same Lord that chose to love you loves them just the same.

Defining the Undefinable

I'm back! Finally...it's been a crazy couple of weeks with preparation for finals (my last semester!) and some exciting personal changes that I'll be sure to share at a later date. : )  This post is dedicated to the definition and explanation of bipolar disorder, formerly termed manic depressive illness (the reason for the original nomenclature was to indicate that typically after a manic episode directly follows a depressive one, however, this has been proven to be untrue in all cases, albeit still very common).  I'll provide some boring information as well as definitions and explanations a la' Caitlin which will hopefully be of greater interest. 

The following definition comes from the website for the National Institution of Mental Health:

"What is Bipolar Disorder?

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks. Symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They are different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through from time to time. Bipolar disorder symptoms can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide. But bipolar disorder can be treated, and people with this illness can lead full and productive lives.

Bipolar disorder often develops in a person's late teens or early adult years. At least half of all cases start before age 25. Some people have their first symptoms during childhood, while others may develop symptoms late in life.

Bipolar disorder is not easy to spot when it starts. The symptoms may seem like separate problems, not recognized as parts of a larger problem. Some people suffer for years before they are properly diagnosed and treated. Like diabetes or heart disease, bipolar disorder is a long-term illness that must be carefully managed throughout a person's life."

This rendering rings quite true in my own struggle with bipolar disorder.  I haven't developed much of a support network with other carriers of the disorder, which is a downfall that I should remedy.  It's easier most of the time to pretend it's not there, however.  I think others with the disease would agree with me on that count.  There's a sense of transient denial that I carry, but when confronted in an appointment or in a self-evaluation I can pull myself together to face it.  It's incredible the effect those situations have on me.  I'm not sure if everyone experiences this, but when I have to really think and focus on my mental reality, I sit right down and have myself a little pity party.  What a terrible way to face a situation ripe for surrendering to the Lord as a display of His grace and power in all things.  Hmm.  Thank you, Lord, for that little nugget of truth.  

And with that short and completely inadequate explanation, I'll submit this.  I will elaborate more on my journey in the next post.  Until then, "press on towards the goal to win the prize which calls us heavenward" (Philippians 3:14) and thank God for every moment that you get to bask in His grace.

Thinking Thoughts

"Think truly, and thy thoughts shall be

Spotless with God's own purity.

On every thought-bud let us bear

The stamp of truth, and love and prayer."

~ Amy Carmichael

Taking that Step

Ok...round two of mission: blog.  I'm going to give a brief synopsis (and by brief, I'm considering bullet points) of the story I've been blessed with so that I can lay some groundwork before sharing some very exciting learning that I happened upon today (I'm also going to apologize in advance for my oft run-on sentences...I tend to get long winded at times--I will try and keep it to a minimum!!).  Alright, bullet points it is:
-Acknowledge Bipolar Disorder (please stay with me here--I'm not too wacko, I promise!)
-Share history/events leading up to discovery of such
-Outline progression of disease
-Hit on the "big one," i.e. the major manic episode
--> There's going to be a lot that goes on in conjunction with this as I'd like to relate on a visceral level with those suffering from this disorder and make aware those still in the dark about the devastating realities of bipolar...it's going to get ugly at times, but it makes the redemption that much more glorious.
-Tell of the renewal...my personal favorite part : )

And that's the foundation I'd like to build this blog on.

So for the exciting learning that happened today...
I'm currently reading A Chance to Die, The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael by Elisabeth Elliot (my favorite non-fiction author--just an incredible woman of God).  I think reading and learning about the lives of our great cloud of witnesses spoken about in Hebrews 12:1 (you're already on your computer...Google it quick ; ) ) is very important.  It's a powerful way to encourage yourself and others and having Godly examples to strive towards is an excellent challenge in our journey of faith. And if you're not a believer, reading about people facing incredible odds and persevering with purpose and fervor makes for good real-life literary entertainment.
Ooook...sorry, that's the afore-warned long-windedness making it's appearance. : ) It's a pretty simple matter...Elisabeth (I'm going to call her by her first name instead of her last in opposition to what's typically deemed APA appropriate for author citations--I find it to be less cold and factual this way...are all of these asides irritating?? Please let me know!) is writing about the death of Amy Carmichael's father.  Elisabeth refers to the pain that Amy's mother must have been in and says that she needed a strong hold:  "It was faith, not doubt, that moved her out of herself, out of self-pity and despair.  She found what she needed in the words of Nahum 1:7, "The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him [emphasis mine]'"  And it occurred to me at that moment that that's so true...the most destructive part of pain and suffering of any degree is that we get stuck in ourselves.  We get so consumed with how we're feeling and we do all of this self-talking (talking to ourselves about ourselves...think about it for a second and I bet you'll realize that you've done it...Why am I feeling this way?  What did I do to deserve this?  Why can't I seem to get it right?...you get the idea) and we don't allow any truth into our thinking.  If instead we take a purposeful and bold step back (not just a meek shuffle...yes, the meek shall inherit the earth, but we're also called to come boldly and confidently into the presence of the Lord as believers as per Ephesians 3:12) then we're more able to comprehend the truth of the matter, and that is that we are more than conquerors through Him who loves us...He has already overcome the world, beloved.  Trust Him.  Break free of the chain of "self" and step into the light of the presence of the King, for that light will shed its truth on every thread of suffering and despair and anxiety.  Step out of yourself and into the promise of peace and joy everlasting, because as Nahum says, He knows them that trust in Him.  It's quite the trip and I can't wait to see what lies ahead...stay tuned!

Having Purpose

I would like to make a purpose statement for this blog, but I'm unsure of where to find a place for such a thing...this will have to do. : ) (emoticons...blogging yes or no?) At any rate...I would like for this to be a place of safe harbor for those in search of such and a lighthouse for those fighting the waves alone.  I have a blessed story to share that will come in segments and that continues to unfold, one rent in mercurial bouts of colorful highs and the darkest of lows...all to create these glorious ashes.

Please be patient as I slowly put this together...Lord willing, it'll be worth your time!